Overcoming Fear

Fear is something that is part of the human being. I've heard plenty people act tough and say they only fear God, or that they simply don't fear anything. I think that EVERYONE has a fear of something, whether is loosing a loved one, getting hurt or other simple stuff. My biggest fear is pain and betrayal. I've gotten betrayed, played, cheated, lied to and hurt by many people in my life. And I'm sure that it'll continue to happen. People are just people.


This fear of getting hurt, is really keeping me away from real happiness. Sometimes people just tell me, "Let it go, move on" but I am really bad at letting go and moving on. It's easier said than done, and I'm not good with starting over which it's not good at all, because life its all about starting over. I sometimes wish that everyone had the same intentions with me that I have with them. I don't understand what's the benefit of hurting others and breaking their hearts, you win nothing. I understand that everyone's not perfect but their actions should still be different.


Things that I've been doing to overcome this fear, is staying positive. Making my self believe that not everyone has intentions of hurting. If they do hurt me, I have to forgive and keep it moving forward. Sometimes is hard to forgive people that you deposit your heart, soul, and trust and they still tend to betray you. But I've had to learn that not everyone is genuine. not everyone had the capability of loving and not using you. Having God in my heart and having my back it's the best way of overcoming this fear.


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Betrays 

As a little girl

I always asked my self,

Why do people hate?

Why do they lie and betray?

Why not just keep it real

before is too late.

Loving like before 

it's not the same. 

People are cold and

always change.

Instead of for good, 

its always for bad. 

Turning you back

at the the people you love it's 

not correct.

Trusting people is coming overrated,

Now people don't trust not even 

themselves.

How can you live in a world 

with the fear of not

trusting and getting hurt.

If even in the bible says to love 

your neighbor as you lover yourself.

Lets race our children with

a different mentality,

Lets show them what love and

respect is,

instead of hate and bitterness.

I guarantee you 

that the world will be a better place.

My Current Situation

At this point of my life, I guess I can say that I should have it all together, but truly I am overwhelmed and all over the place. Everything might just had turned against me. I am 23 years old and don't have it bad, I thank God for my life, health, loved ones, and for what I have because "It can always be worse" but my love life is not where I want it to be. I am struggling in a trust battle that is literally taking the best of me. This situation has gotten me go nuts, I have even bipolar moments when I am 5 minutes happy and  10 mins sad or in a bad mood. I am truly in love with this person but I just hope it doesn't become a toxic love.

With school, I have made dumb choices when it came to my class schedules. I took weird classes to do online because of work. And yes they are driving me insane because most of them, required a lot of time, and also have programs that my cheap laptop doesn't have or open. In my house I can't concentrate when it comes to homework because I have a mother who is physically and mentally sick and it's so complicated.

                                                                           

   

I started today to look for apartments to move out with a friend, but to do that I think I must look for a better job, because rent in Boston even if it's split in two people, it's very expensive. But as a young woman I feel like I need a little more privacy and freedom. I don't have that because my parents are very old fashion and think everything is bad. Yes, doesn't it sound like I got it bad? But at the same time I have defiantly learned that "IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE". That helps me through my downs. Why not be grateful? After all I have my parents, sick, and being a pain in the behind but they are here with me, and I appreciate it all.

Today all I can think of, is a little getaway, a small vacation away from everyone and everything... Just to relax and be in peace. In a warm place where the sun shines bright and there's a blue beach I can hear the waves to. I am really looking forward to a vacation. I need to release some stress, and what better than to go some where... Anyways we'll see what happens.

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As I see my life...

As I see my life, 

I feel so many emotions

Positives Negatives,

Who said life would be perfect.

As I see my life, 

I cry, Smile and get even angry.

I know it could always be worse

But sometimes settling for less its not an option

As I see my life I look back and thank God

for what I've loss and what I've gained.

Sometimes I wonder how

things could have been different.

As I look at my life I see a 

huge difference. 

I have matured so much 

and should be proud of this process that I've made.

As I look at my life I can't say I've made it

but can say I'm in the right track to

something better and to greater. 

The Good After The Bad

Sometimes as a minor, you don't have any choices. What ever your parents say or do you must do. No questions ask no concerns about how you feel about it. "We had good", according to my concern in Puerto Rico. We had 2 houses, one of 7 rooms and another one of 2 rooms, a car, food, family, good education. At least that's what I thought, that everything was perfect... When I was 8 years old my parents decided to come to the United Sates because my dad was disabled and wanted to fight the incapacity. I was told, that it was going to be for a small period of 3-6 months. Of course it took over a year or more, because we got kicked out of family's houses and ended up at a shelter. In one year I attended to 5 schools. 

I suffered of depression, because it was a hard situation to be inn. As a little girl I couldn't understand why I wasn't progressing in school, I couldn't even make friends because I was afraid of changing again. Why get attached to people I was probably going to not see ever again? Also I got kicked back because of the changes and because of my English.  For a long time I was angry at my parents, because they had decided this for me. Not caring of my tears, emotional status. It's always hard for a young person to understand a lot of things. And I wasn't asked at all. 

At the time, when I lived in Puerto Rico, I loved the environment and living in front of my grandparents. But then growing up, now, my grandparents are gone. And I no longer see the point of going back, unless is just to visit. I Love my island, and there is no one that reps it Like I do. But at the same time I give thanks to my parents and to destiny because even though I didn't understood back then the reason of our changes of homes and our reasons to stay in the United Sates I grew to be probably better than what I could have living over there. I suffered, cried, even was put with a psychologist for a long time, but I overcame all of that. And now I love my Boston, I wouldn't change it for nothing is this world. My family from my household, my two brothers, sister and dad are all together now. And also my dad and mom are both getting type of medical help they needed. What else can I ask for? Everything happened for good, and for better. 

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Alchemy 

The transformation of

to be, or not to be. 

Growing, maturing, 

Becoming a better you.

I was once lost

and now I'm found.

Knowing what you're value is

and who you are.

It will be a transition 

of mentality growth

and transformation.

At the end of the day

we all change,

for better or for worse,

hopefully always for better

and never for worse.

Alchemy is finding the person who's right

The better you or your'e better half.